


the devil's voice is sweet to hear

by misfitwolves



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hearing Voices, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 20:22:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1701299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misfitwolves/pseuds/misfitwolves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Sometimes you don't realise you're actually drowning when you're trying to be everyone else's anchor.'</p><p>Lydia hears voices more and more since everything to do with the Nogitsune, and is having trouble dealing with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the devil's voice is sweet to hear

**Author's Note:**

> I will warn now that there are quite a few triggers in this, so please take care to look at the tags! Forgive me for any errors made of any kind, will try to correct as soon as I'm made aware. Very angsty this, but anyway enjoy!

She hears them more frequently now. The voices. Ever since Allison's death, the noise is almost incessant, and Lydia doesn’t know what to do and it scares her; the helplessness she feels is a constant reminder of how she couldn't save her best friend, and the voices just won’t stop. Lydia needs help, she needs help from someone who has more experience with banshees; she needs Stiles. Which is why she tries to talk to him about it, but every opportunity is blocked by someone or something; when she tries to corner him after a pack meeting (the noise is increasing, it makes her desperate), Malia blocks her with a caustic comment,

“You really should get over him.”

“What?” Lydia can barely hear the girl over the hum already filling her ears, she doesn’t need this right now she needs to talk to Stiles, so they can research, and figure out how to make them stop –

“Stiles. You should get over him, it’s looking a little pathetic, how long have you been pining after him anyway? Third grade?”

Lydia blinks in surprise, “No, I – ”

“It’s just a little uncomfortable for me, as his girlfriend…”

Oh yes. Malia was Stiles’ girlfriend. She’d forgotten about that and the sting in her heart that came with the information, the fact that she could have had Stiles but now, when she wanted him, he was taken; forgotten that Stiles probably wasn’t able to answer her every beck and call now.

**_Would he even want to anymore?_ **

No. Nonononononononono. They’d never done that before; the voices had never talked to her so directly. Lydia stumbles back in surprise, fleeing Derek’s loft for the comfort she so desperately wanted her car to provide. But in the silence of the car the voices were only louder,

**_He doesn’t want you anymore, nobody does, he doesn’t need you anymore, nobody does, he doesn’t care anymore, nobody does, Allison cared, she was the only person who cared and you killed her._ **

No. Nonononononononono.

From then on the voices get worse, darker, and often it's the same thing over and over and over: **_nobody cares and you killed Allison_**. They tell her that she shouldn’t burden other people with her presence, that she’s the weak link in the pack ( ** _she’s useless, she couldn’t even save her best friend, let alone her ‘distraction’_** ), so she doesn’t; as the months go on, Lydia distances herself from the pack, from everyone. She doesn’t eat lunch, instead she roams that hallways almost like the spirits she hears. She rarely turns up to pack meetings anymore; not being able to bare the spiteful comments that fill her ears at the sight of Stiles (even though she knows that she should go to him for help, that she needed help, right? The voices tell her she doesn’t.)

*

It’s Danny who notices first; the recluse that the once bubbly, sarcastic, confident, genius Lydia Martin has become. He worries that it’s a supernatural thing so he corners Scott about it,

“Do you know what’s wrong with Lydia?”

Scott frowns, “What do you mean?”

“I mean that Lydia, one of my best friends, is now ignoring me, and generally treating people like the plague – and not how she usually does.” He interrupts before Scott can say anything,

“I don’t know, I guess she has been acting sort of weird now that you mention it, I should have noticed – ”

“It’s fine,” Danny stops him before he starts with his self-deprecating, “I figured it might be something to do with your ‘furry little problem’ or something, just keep an eye on her okay? She wasn’t even like this after her accident at the formal.”

Scott nods and promises to watch out for Lydia, and try and work out what’s wrong.

*

The voices tell her what to do, and though Lydia knows that she shouldn’t, she does as she’s told. She wears long sleeves in the California heat when they tell her to hide the lines in her skin that they’ve been telling her to make; and when they start to tell her to cut a little deeper, she finds herself starting to agree.

 _ **Tonight** , _they tell her, **_in the woods, it’ll be more peaceful, easier_.**

Yes, she agrees, she’d finally get some peace.

 

Scott corners her just before her last class of the day, she knows to expect him, not only because the voices told her, but she hasn’t been to a pack meeting in weeks and Scott is nothing if not a good alpha.

“Lydia, you’re coming to the meeting tonight right?”

She stares up at him (she doesn’t wear heels anymore, the voices said they attracted too much attention, attention she wasn’t worth), her eyes wide and eyebrows raised, a faint smile playing on her lips,

“Of course Scott, I’ll be there, I promise.” She lies because she knows that what she plans to do instead will benefit the pack more; the weak link would be gone and the pack would be stronger.

“Good, good, we’ve been worried about you Lydia, you know you can come to me, to Stiles, to any of us if anything’s wrong yeah? You’re not alone.” He smiles that crooked smile and walks backwards to his next class, yelling “Remember, Derek’s loft at seven!” as he goes; Lydia wishes that she could believe him, but the voices whisper: **_he lies._**

*

“It’s nearly eight o’clock, where is she?” Stiles looks from his phone to the clock on the wall, and back, as though one will show a different time,

“Maybe we should just start without her.” Malia huffs, impatient at having already waited nearly an hour,

“No Lydia said she would come, so she’ll be here.” Scott was firm in his stance, he needed Lydia to be here; if anything was wrong then he’d feel like he’d failed Allison in a way.

“Right, that’s it, I’m going over there.” Stiles declared, moments later, standing up and heading for the door,

“Where to?” His girlfriend asks him with a sigh,

“To Lydia’s, something’s wrong, I can feel it.”

 

Stiles drives as fast as he’s legally able to Lydia’s house, running from his car to the door, quickly ringing the doorbell before resorting to frantically knocking; having to physically stop himself from accidentally punching Mrs Martin in the face when she pulls the door open.

“She’s not here Stiles.”

“Yes, but you’ve said that to me before when we both know that she was actually at home – ”

“No Stiles, I really don’t think Lydia’s here, I thought she was meeting you and Scott and your little group of friends.”

Stiles frowns, the feeling of dread in his stomach growing stronger, “Can I check her room? In case there’s something about where she might be, or something – ”

“Yes, yes, go ahead, I’ll try calling her.”

Stiles runs up the stairs, nearly falling into Lydia’s room in his haste; her bed is made, her room tidy, her desk clear – wait. There’s a piece of neatly folded paper resting in the centre. Stiles grabs it, his eyes roaming the page, while a single word echoes in his mind: _no_. She couldn’t, she couldn’t be doing this; his strong, brave, beautiful Lydia Martin could not be going to do what this note said she was going to.

 

Stiles is in his Jeep and driving to the woods (he knows that’s where she is, he just knows) faster than he could blink, calling Scott on speaker as he goes.

“Hey Stiles, did you find her?”

“No but I will, she’s gone to the woods, Scott I need you to call your mom and get an ambulance there fast.”

“What? Why? What’s wrong?”

“She’s left a note Scott, I have to stop her, she’s – ”

Stiles breaks off with a gasp of pain as a stinging burn encases his wrist and he narrowly avoids a tree,

“I can feel her doing it Scott, I can feel her cutting her wrists – ” Stiles’ voice is filled with panic, his breath becoming more ragged.

“Stiles it’s okay we’ll find her, she’ll be okay, just calm down, where are you?”

"I’m leaving Roscoe in the usual spot, I’ll meet you there once I’ve found her.” Stiles hangs up the phone before Scott can reply and nearly flings himself out of his Jeep, his legs tearing down the path towards where his gut is telling him to go; where an ache in his chest is pulling him to, as if by a thread. It’s in a flowered clearing he finds her; she looks so small, lying down, her hair fanned out around her head, eyes closed and both wrists trickling red blood onto the green grass below. He doesn’t know how much time he has, how much time she has, all he knows is that he has to get her to Scott, to Melissa, to someone who can help. He runs to her picking her up gently, all the while muttering (to her? To himself? He doesn't know),

"You can't do this Lydia, you can't leave me, I love you okay? I can't lose you, not now, not ever."

He clutches her body tight to his, not caring about the blood ( _her_ blood) that is soaking into his shirt, he has to keep running, keep yelling for help, keep moving to where he knows Scott will be.

 

Finally Stiles breaks through the last line of trees; ignoring the concerned and shocked calls of the pack (of his girlfriend) he heads straight for the ambulance and Melissa,

“Help her, you have to help her – ”

“We will Stiles, do you know how long – ”

“No, not really, I felt her do it ten maybe fifteen minutes ago?” (It feels as though it could have been an eternity.) Melissa nods, repeating the time frame to the paramedics, before telling Stiles to meet them at the hospital, that she'll call Lydia's mom, and then she’s replaced with another voice,

“Stiles you could feel her harming herself?” Deaton asks, concern and intrigue conflicting in his face,

“Yes, why?" But before Deaton can respond, he answers his own question with another, "It’s to do with the whole ‘emotional tether’ thing isn’t it?”

Deaton frowns as if trying to decide whether it would be best or not to share his thoughts, “I’ll need to talk to the both of you about what this means.”

Stiles nods distractedly, before nearly collapsing against his jeep,

“It’s okay Stiles, she’s okay, Lydia’s okay.” He feels Scott rather than sees him lean beside him, “Is she though Scott?” Stiles looks up at his best friend, tears stinging his eyes, his chest constricting at the thought of never being able to see Lydia's bright green eyes full of life, or her strawberry blonde hair blazing in the sun, never being able to see _her_ again; he doesn’t know what he would do without her, and even though he’d accepted that fact long ago, the thought still scares him.

“I should’ve noticed, I should’ve done something, I should’ve helped her – ”

“It’s not your fault, Danny told me a while ago that he thought something was up, and I should’ve tried harder to help her – ”

“But it’s not your job Scott – ” Stiles said, his voice hoarse, and his hands running through his hair at a mile a minute.

“It’s not yours either Stiles.”

Stiles shook his head, “You don’t get it; it is. This emotional tether thing works both ways; she’s brought me back from the brink more times than I can count and the one time she needs me – ” Stiles pauses, rubbing a hand over his face to try and pull himself together before continuing,

“I don’t know what I’d do without her Scott, I think I’d be lost.”

 

Just like when she was attacked by Peter, Stiles waits in the hospital for as long as it takes; and it’s in the waiting room when Malia finally confronts him.

“What’s going on between you and Lydia?”

The bluntness of the question shocks him into sitting upright in the uncomfortable plastic chair, “What do you mean? Nothing’s going on.”

“But you’re in love with her.”

Stiles stares at her, wide eyed, “What?”

“You have to be; Stiles when you were in the jeep, and when you were carrying her out of the woods, you sounded lost and desperate; as though one of your main reasons for living was being ripped away from you. And don’t try and say that’s how you’d react about anyone, because you didn’t sound like that when Oliver was trying to drill into my head, I don’t think I’ve heard you talk about anyone like that, not even Scott or your dad and that’s saying something.” Malia pauses, sitting down in the chair next to Stiles before she continues, “I think I might have had something to do with this – ”

“What are you talking about? Of course not – ”

“No let me finish. I said some things to Lydia, just some stupid jealous girlfriend things, and I think that might have been what set her off, what made her get worse.”

Stiles frowns, “Get worse? What do you mean ‘get worse’?”

Malia takes a deep breath, “The more I think about it, the more is seems like she was trying to go to you for help, and I stupidly blocked every attempt because I thought she was trying to steal you from me, but then I never really had you in the first place did I? Anyway did you ever notice that Lydia didn’t really seem all there for the past couple of months? Like she was always listening to something else? I think that was what she needed your help for, I think that was why she did was she did.” She stands up abruptly, “Anyway the whole reason behind this speech was that I think we should break up.”

“What? Why?” Stiles frowns at her confused, Malia just shook her head at him, “You know why Stiles, you love Lydia and she loves you, I shouldn’t get in the way of that; I mean still she walks into the room and you almost forget how to breathe.” She goes to leave, “Besides, a mental institution probably isn’t the best place to meet your boyfriend, I’ll see you around Stiles.” And with that Malia leaves.

 

Lydia’s been avoiding him. Not the whole pack, not anyone else, just him, just Stiles; and it’s killing him. He can’t bare the fact that he came so close to losing her so permanently, only to effectively lose her by her own choice. Stiles can’t take it anymore; so he corners her after a pack meeting (she’s started coming to them again after she got out of hospital, it’s the only time he really sees her).

“Lydia, get in the car.”

She spins round on the sidewalk, an eyebrow raised, her arms crossed in defiance, and her mouth open, ready to start a speech,

“Lydia I know you’ve been avoiding me,” This makes her close her mouth, “So will you please just get in the goddamn jeep.” He climbs in, and resists a smile when she climbs in after him. Their drive to the woods is tense and silent; the atmosphere almost suffocating until he finally parks and turns to her.

“Why have you been avoiding me?”

“I haven’t been avoiding you – ”

“Lydia don’t lie to me I know you’ve been avoiding me.” She doesn’t say anything in response, just stares out the window.

“I could feel you doing it, you know, trying to - " He breaks off, running his hands through his hair, "Not just the physical pain on my wrists, but it felt like there was a hole in my chest, like I couldn’t breathe until I knew you were safe.” Lydia still doesn’t say anything, only her small intake of breath prompting him to continue, “It felt like I was dying; like when I was possessed by the Nogitsune,” She flinches slightly at this, “That sense of being powerless, helpless, that’s how I felt; I felt lost Lydia, even at the thought of you being gone – ”

“They said you didn’t care.”

Stiles frowns and turns to face her fully, “What?” Lydia takes a deep breath and repeats herself, “The voices, they said you didn’t care, that you didn’t want me or need me, nobody did.”

“What? No Lydia no,” Stiles take her face in his hands and gently brushes away the tears that are now escaping from the corners of her eyes, “I care Lydia, I always have cared and I always will, because I’m in love with you.”

Lydia looks up at him and frowns, “But Malia – ”

Stiles sighs, “She broke up with me, she kinda saw how I felt about you and decided it was for the best.”

Lydia frowns, “But you were happy.” Stiles shrugs, shaking his head slightly, “I was…distracted.” Lydia gives a slight laugh at the phrase; she knows what it’s like to be ‘distracted’. “So you love me?” She asks, her nervousness betrayed in the hesitant nature of her voice, but Stiles smiles anyway,

“Well to be fair I’ve been in love with you since the third grade, but yeah I guess this is the real deal, I’d say you’re stuck with me for life Martin.” Lydia raises her eyebrows, “Oh yeah?” Stiles nods grinning slightly, “Well good, because I think that I might just be in love with you as well.” She says a small smile gracing her face. Stiles’ eyes widen, his mouth trying to form words that just would not come to him. Lydia rolls her eyes at his floundering, “Just kiss me Stilinski.”

And he does.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it, please leave kudos/comments etc.


End file.
